The Pedestal of Perfection

When you picture the perfect woman what do you see? Is it someone with a successful career, an enviable size 8 figure and a beautiful pristine house?  Is she happily married with 2 or more beautiful children who are always perfectly behaved? Is she a domestic goddess and a social butterfly? 

Whilst I’m sure that these women exist somewhere on this planet, it must be pretty exhausting juggling all of those perfectly formed balls at the same time.  The problem is whilst many of us aspire to be all of these things, in reality very few of us will actually manage to attain them, and certainly not all at the same time.

This means that for the majority of women, we are left staring at the pedestal of perfection destined to fail. So why do we constantly place ourselves under this suffocating blanket of pressure? Pressure to be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, to have the perfect job and the perfect home.  The list is endless and is exhausting to think about let alone trying to achieve. 

Tune into any social media networking site and is it any wonder that this enormous amount of pressure exists in society today? Perfectly presented images of perfect lifestyles, homes, travels, meals and perfect bodies, including perfectly applied makeup and peachy behinds!

Remove the filtered lens and what is behind the perfectly poised and flawless photos? They say that a picture paints a thousand words, but do these words speak the truth, or are they merely what we want others to believe? We are misguided by the perfect feed, which distracts from real life. 

I am guilty of living this life, I mean why bother showing your real self when you can present a better, more filtered one.  Social media allows us to carefully curate what we expose, so why not expose the best bits, even if it’s not reality. The trouble is, this is a dangerous slippery slope, because we lose our true self, constantly striving to portray the perfect one.  

In truth, life isn’t perfect, its hectic; the majority of us work hard, be that at work, raising a family or just trying to survive in this so called world of madness. Sure, some of us do jet-set around the world and lead lavish lifestyles, but for most of us life just isn’t that exciting all the time. The trouble is social media allows us to live through other people’s lives and before you know it you’re consumed with jealousy and anxiety, constantly comparing your life to the ones that are perfectly portrayed. Suddenly, we become obsessed with craving validation, we seek perfection and we become exhausted trying to maintain it.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I have burnt myself out trying to reach that pedestal of perfection. I’ve tried to be a perfect woman with all of those perfect attributes, but in trying to do so I lost who I was and it affected my health and happiness. I am sure we all like to see ourselves as successful, but sadly, we are too consumed with seeking the approval of others, that we lose sight of what is really important.  My life isn’t perfect, but it’s my life; I am forever grateful that I’m still living it and for who I share it with. This is far more important than hiding behind the online avatar that sadly so many of us chose to show the world. 

My world isn’t the shiny and polished hallway but rather an abandoned surface of peeling wallpaper that will no doubt be finished sometime soon. But that’s OK, that’s life and it’s real life.

Bitter Sweet

Today was the last day of the holidays, and after the weekend my eldest boy will be starting Year 1 and my youngest will be entering his second year of private nursery. Summer seems to have swept by and before we know it, boom it’s September and we’re back at school.

At the end of the school year, I can’t wait for the summer but by the end of it, i’m glad we’re all still alive!! The relaxed manner of living we’ve led over the last 6 weeks soon takes it’s toll and there comes a time when some routines need to return! It’s always an emotional time of year as bitter sweet thoughts constantly fill my head; “thank goodness they’re going back to school” to “I wish you would stop growing up so fast”.

I’ve really enjoyed the carefree lifestyle of later nights, and later mornings. Everything seems to move at a slower pace. We’ve been on so many adventures, re-connected and made life-long memories. Most of all though we’ve enjoyed having time – time together that wasn’t borrowed. Sometimes it feels as though summer is a short term loan from all the schedules, routines and after school activities. But Monday will come soon enough, and the hectic mornings and evenings will start once again.

Each new school year is a new beginning, an opportunity to learn and experience new things. It scares me though that I will never have these precious years back again, so whilst I will them to go back to school, my heart sinks with the thought of my children developing their independent wings and no longer needing me.

It’s important to remember though at this bi-polar bitter sweet time of year, that our children will always need us, and whilst I’ve loved spending time with my children this summer, i’m looking forward to the return of my sanity.

So what’s plan B?

Six weeks after the last exam, today thousands of A-level students ended the anxious wait to collect their eagerly anticipated A-level results. Whilst for some, this meant achieving top grades and securing their place at their preferred University, for others it was a very different story of disappointment and discouragement.

Days, months and years of hard work lead up to this one moment, with the fate of the future all hinging on the grading letters inside the white envelope. Not achieving your expected results can be one of the most devastating experiences for anyone to encounter, especially for a young adult. The unattainable expectations, endless anxieties and pressure for perfection is almost impossible to escape. Richard Branson states that “grades do not define you” and this couldn’t be more true. It’s important not to see your A-level results as an indication of your innate intelligence or ability. It is just one step in a whole process. Richard Branson is just one example of someone who’s career has been their education.

It is important to remember that not achieving the expected grades is not the end of the world, as cliche as that might sound. The funny thing is, failure actually makes you stronger; it gives you an understanding of what it means to fall, what it means to receive a negative outcome. A common worry is that you’ll never be able to get the job you wanted and lead the successful life you’ve always imagined. At 18, it’s impossible to see what your outcome at 35 is going to be, as a lot depends on the steps in life you take.

I was always a middle of the road achiever at school, I didn’t excel in top sets, but I wasn’t “bottom of the class” so to speak. I just tootled along at my own pace and I always did “ok”. Whilst taking my own A-levels, my parents and friends expected me to get high marks, but that never happened. I didn’t get into any of my first choice universities, infact I didn’t get into my second or third choice either. So like many, results day wasn’t spent clinking glasses and celebrating with friends and family, but rather on the phone to UCAS joining the hundreds of other 18 year olds trying to snap up a University place through clearing. I felt like i’d not only let myself down but my friends and family too. My chosen path and my future were crumbling down in front of me.

Fast forward almost 20 years and I now have 2 degrees, a husband (who I met at my clearance University!) and 2 children. I changed careers, finally got accepted onto a PGCE on my 4th attempt and taught myself GCSE science to achieve the “required grades” to secure my place. I successfully completed my teaching degree whilst simultaneously raising my 18 month old and I have published two children’s books.

Never let exam failure force you into believing that you can’t achieve any of your dreams. Sometimes they might be harder to reach, but they’re not unreachable. You may have to take plan B, you may even have to take Plan C and D but it doesn’t mean that you are any less of a person, any less intelligent or any less able to achieve what you want to.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

Hi everyone, my name is Victoria Brotherton, and I am founder of Brotherton Books. I am a mum of two little boys, a primary school teacher and a part time children’s author.

I got into writing books accidentally, whilst on maternity leave with my first child. I had a dream one night and in that dream i’d started writing a short story which rhymed and so the story goes. I have now just published by second children’s book called Snoring’s Boring and am busy promoting this. Writing gives me a sense of relief from reality and allows me to escape into another world. I want children to experience this as well, and develop their imagination,

I’m basically a working mum who loves her children to death, trying to juggle life. I like to write about anything as I have multiple interests, so have started a blog to voice my opinions. They may not be to everyone’s cup of tea but I hope you find them useful.